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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25904884">Catwoman Goes To College Remix</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodpusher/pseuds/woodpusher'>woodpusher</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (1966), Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:53:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25904884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodpusher/pseuds/woodpusher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>We are expected to believe that:</p><p>(1) One of Catwoman's henchmen can successfully pose as Batman,<br/>(2) Alfred can somewhat successfully pose as Batman,<br/>(3) Batman can trade places (as in take off his cowl) with Alfred without any guards noticing and<br/>(4) without Alfred being searched</p><p>See if this version makes a little more sense.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarthaBug0192/gifts">MarthaBug0192</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sineala/gifts">Sineala</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ava_jamison/gifts">ava_jamison</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>We are expected to believe that:</p><p>(1) One of Catwoman's henchmen can successfully pose as Batman,<br/>(2) Alfred can somewhat successfully pose as Batman,<br/>(3) Batman can trade places (as in take off his cowl) with Alfred without any guards noticing and<br/>(4) without Alfred being searched</p><p>See if this version makes a little more sense.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good job on getting me out on parole, Bruce."<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, thank you.  I think I should keep you under house arrest tonight."<br/>
<br/>
"Very well."<br/>
<br/>
"Where are you staying?"<br/>
"Before they sent me to the slammer, I rented the basement of the Eta Beta Lotka sorority."  
"There's a back entrance so we don't have to check in with the house director."<br/>
<br/>
"Let's see...I need to ask you a few questions," says Bruce.<br/>
<br/>
"OK, what?"<br/>
<br/>
"What are you going to do for a living?"<br/>
<br/>
"As you know, I've been a jewelry trader," she says.  "Now that I'm out of prison, I need to revive my business."<br/>
<br/>
"You also said something about attending college?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yes, I'd like to study criminology.  You know, college boys work cheaply.  I think I could find a few to help me out."<br/>
<br/>
"Coincidentally, Batman and Robin are going to be guest lecturers at a criminology class tomorrow.  Are you enrolled in Professor Krunk's class?."<br/>
<br/>
"Yes."<br/>
<br/>
"Do you love me, Bruce?" she asks.<br/>
<br/>
"Absolutely."<br/>
<br/>
"My refrigerator's empty.  I need you to rob a supermarket."<br/>
<br/>
"What?"<br/>
<br/>
"Rob a supermarket."<br/>
<br/>
"I can't do that."<br/>
<br/>
"Sure you can.  If you get in trouble, just say that it was one of my employees - henchmen if you wish - in disguise.  Commissioner Gordon will believe anything you say."<br/>
<br/>
"The cops will still find me and arrest me.  Maybe I could get Alfred to come disguised as my attorney and bring the bat makeup kit, we could exchange identities, and I'd leave the prison disguised as Alfred.".<br/>
<br/>
"That's not a bad cover story, but it's risky." .<br/>
<br/>
"How so?".<br/>
<br/>
"Come on, detective.  I realize that security procedures at Gotham State Pen are lax, but what if they search Alfred's briefcase?  What if a guard comes in and looks in on you while you're exchanging identities, especially with your cowl off?  What if they've got a camera on you while you're exchanging identities?  There goes your secret identity, Bruce.".<br/>
<br/>
"Oooh....good point.  Do you have a better idea?".<br/>
<br/>
"Why don't you have Alfred disguised as you hide in the rest room of the school cafeteria, then Robin as lookout?  When the cops get close - most of them don't know what Batman sounds like, then you and Alfred can switch places.  If you think Alfred won't do it, I'll get one of my employees to do it.  After that, you can disguise yourself as Batman's attorney.  You don't even have to look like Alfred; just don't look like Bruce Wayne.  Then, go to the prison and pretend to switch places with Alfred as Batman.  Later you can claim to have escaped. It would add to your mystique of being an escape artist.".<br/>
<br/>
"I see, yes, that would be a better idea.".<br/>
"Alfred would call for Warden Crichton, who would realize that he wasn't Batman.  He'd say he was overcome by his attorney and then be released."<br/>
"OK."
<br/>
"We can do it after class tomorrow.  Then we'll go out for a milkshake.  I'll say you were with me the whole time."<br/>
<br/>
"It just might work."<br/>
<br/>
"Of course it will work."</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How, without Robin's knowledge, was Batman able to tell the auctioneer that Catwoman was planning a robbery?<br/>How were they able to create convincing fakes on short notice?<br/>Could Batman be certain that the auctioneer would be able to fool Catwoman?<br/>Was the auctioneer endangering the bidders by holding the auction anyway?<br/>The auctioneer left the safe open during the robbery - was there anything of value in there?<br/>Is it common practice to not allow bidders to see the item that they are bidding on?<br/>If you attended the auction and were held at gunpoint by Catwoman, would you want to return for another auction?"<br/>Why was it necessary to identify and contact Freddy the Fence?<br/>If the opals were fakes, wouldn't any fence have told Catwoman that?<br/>How did Batman know down to the approximate minute when and where Catwoman would send her message?<br/>Why didn't Catwoman's perfume have any effect on Robin, Freddy the Fence, Penn, Brown, or Cornell?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Batman and Catwoman planned it out in advance.  Actually the sulfuric acid thing was done on a spur of the moment.  </p><p>Catwoman wasn't wearing her knockout perfume.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Catwoman traps Batman and Robin and puts them in the coffee cup, threatening to pour sulfuric acid on them.<br/>
"Batman's got to stay on top of his game," she thought.  "He ought to be able to get out of this one easily."</p><p>Catwoman shows up at the auction with her henchmen.  The Gotham City Police Department fumbled yet another case.  Moreover, the auctioneer left the safe open so she lost much of her other valuable stock.  The Forever Jewel Company was apparently ruined.</p><p>The next day, Bruce Wayne shows up, offering to buy the Forever Jewel Company.<br/>
"Our relations with Batagonia are very much strained due to this loss," said the auctioneer.<br/>
"I can help smooth them over.  Maybe as a face-saving publicity stunt, we can say that the jewels weren't really stolen - they were just cheap copies."<br/>
"Do you think the public would believe that?"<br/>
"You can meet with Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, Batman, and Robin tomorrow.  If you can convince them, the public will believe it too.  
If you're convincing, we can keep you on as our lead auctioneer."<br/>
"Oh, thank you, Mr. Wayne," said the auctioneer.<br/>
"The company will be getting another shipment in next year, so we should get the company's debt paid off eventually."</p><p>Catwoman and Batman meet up.  "Sulfuric acid?  Seriously?"<br/>
Catwoman says, "Bruce, you need to stay on top of your game.  I know for a fact that King Tut, the Joker, and Mr Freeze are all planning huge crimes."<br/>
Batman says, "very well.  You know, Professor Krunk told me it was unethical for even a guest lecturer to date any of the students."<br/>
Catwoman:  "I suppose I might have to drop the course."<br/>
Batman says, "Bruce Wayne has arranged to buy the Forever Jewel Company.  As a face-saving publicity stunt, they're going to float the rumor that Catwoman didn't really steal the jewels; but cheap copies were made and she stole those.  We'll offer a 3 million dollar reward for the return of the jewels."<br/>
Catwoman says,"OK, and I'm supposed to trick Penn, Brown, Cornell, and Freddy the Fence into being the fall guys."<br/>
Batman says,"That's right.  When Freddy comes by, you can show him these cheap copies.  They're coated with - get this - cherry frosting."<br/>
Catwoman heads back to the sorority house.  Some time later, Freddy does show up - he is wanting to turn in the jewels for the reward money.  He gets out his jeweler's eyepiece and looks at them, and realizes they are fakes.<br/>
Catwoman sends a message to Batman at Gotham City Police Headquarters to meet her at the Sherlock Homes.  "But we're going to ambush him," she says.  "Freddy would you like to come?"<br/>
"And get rid of Batman once and for all?  Oui, mademoiselle."<br/>
Penn, Brown, Cornell, and Freddy hide under bedsheets waiting for Batman to arrive.  He does, and he and Catwoman do a little flirting.  Catwoman pretends to notice Robin sneaking in.  Catwoman gives the orders to ambush Batman, but he and Robin subdue the henchmen and Freddy.<br/>
Afterwards, Batman and Catwoman talk.  "Congratulations, Catwoman, we pulled  it off.  You'll have to go back to prison -unfortunately we can't deny that you violated parole.  But you'll be out in a few weeks.  If we can't find a buyer for the jewels, we'll sell them at next year's auction."</p>
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